Wednesday, November 02, 2005


Why do we yawn when a Democrat has fun with an intern and a cigar, but salivate when Bill O'Reilly's predilection for vibrators and tropical scenery becomes public knowledge? Because of the whole "holier-than-thou" attitude displayed by many in the GOP. For the same reason, the Mailbox's eyebrow arches when it hears about conservatives who write sex scenes into books. Turns out that Scooter Libby, recently busted aide to veep Dick Cheney, is a member of that elite group.

Found in the Mailbox: A report from Lauren Collins in the New Yorker. Her piece reviews a book that Libby wrote in 1996 named "The Apprentice." Collins describes the tale of Setsuo, a courageous virgin innkeeper on the brink of war in 1900s Japan, and compares it to other works of classic dirty Republican fiction writers such as O'Reilly, William Safire, William Buckley, G. Gordon Liddy and John Ehrlichman.

Apparently, Scooter is one of the better ones, according to Collins: "When it comes to depicting scenes of romance, however, Libby can evoke a sort of musty sweetness; while one critic deemed 'The Apprentice' 'reminiscent of Rembrandt,' certain passages can better be described as reminiscent of Penthouse Forum."

Oh, you want to read a clip, do ya? You dirty reader.

"He could feel her heart beneath his hands. He moved his hands slowly lower still and she arched her back to help him and her lower leg came against his. He held her breasts in his hands. Oddly, he thought, the lower one might be larger. . . . One of her breasts now hung loosely in his hand near his face and he knew not how best to touch her."

More more more, huh? You like that, dontcha?

"At age ten the madam put the child in a cage with a bear trained to couple with young girls so the girls would be frigid and not fall in love with their patrons. They fed her through the bars and aroused the bear with a stick when it seemed to lose interest."

You want more? After reading about a bear aroused by a stick? You perv.

ANYWAY...Collins also notes that Libby stays true to the Republican art of inserting the scatological, making generous use of lice, snot, drunkenness, bad breath, torture, urine, turds, pubic hair, pus, homoeroticism and incest.

The Mailbox would like to point out the obvious: Repression leads to things like this. Including bears and sticks. And all the other things bears do in the woods.

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