Friday, January 26, 2007
MAILBOX AGREES WITH MC PEE PANTS ABOUT KINGDOM HEARTS
The above video is not safe for work, unless you use headphones or want to get fired.
Though I'm a big video game nut, I'm behind the curve, because it's hard for me to justify dropping upwards of $40 on a game. Even my old girlfriend had to wait for me to get a sloppy seconds version from the used-game store. I say that so I can say this: I'm working on getting through Kingdom Hearts 1.
MC Chris says it much better than the Mailbox could (except the Mailbox doesn't "masturbate to f'd-up flipper baby porn" like MC. Ew). I can believe what he says about KH2 taking forever, because KH1 takes forever to get anywhere. The game is a bizarre melange of Final Fantasy characters and Disney characters. It starts out simple enough: Engage in some practice duels, find some coconuts, develop a secret crush on a female, then the whole world splodes all bad 'n' stuff.
Tara, official friend of the Mailbox, loves it. We both thought it would be a good game for TLP to play, so Tara loaned me her copy. The very first part is pretty cool, actually. But once the game gets to a point of substance, it gets massively complicated. You start collecting things that you won't use for hours. You fly around in a spaceship and can customize it.
Like a jerk, I played past where TLP saved. I'm a bad boyfriend.
Kingdom Hearts is a wankfest of details and combinations, such that fun in gameplay falls faster than wishing upon a star. Seriously: Summoning Simba to put a smackdown on Oogie Boogie is drug-induced. What game designer popped a woody by envisioning Donald Duck and Goofy fight Jafar? So I'm not even going to try KH2. I respect Tara's opinion, but zhen dao mei, the girl got her face stuck in World of Warcraft so bad she can't even play Half-Life 2. Where's her priorities?
Meanwhile, I'm playing Ratchet and Clank: Up Your Arsenal and having a blast. Juvenile humor combined with cool weapons and ways to blow lots of stuff up. How can you go wrong?
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