Friday, January 26, 2007


The above video is not safe for work, unless you use headphones or want to get fired.

Though I'm a big video game nut, I'm behind the curve, because it's hard for me to justify dropping upwards of $40 on a game. Even my old girlfriend had to wait for me to get a sloppy seconds version from the used-game store. I say that so I can say this: I'm working on getting through Kingdom Hearts 1.

MC Chris says it much better than the Mailbox could (except the Mailbox doesn't "masturbate to f'd-up flipper baby porn" like MC. Ew). I can believe what he says about KH2 taking forever, because KH1 takes forever to get anywhere. The game is a bizarre melange of Final Fantasy characters and Disney characters. It starts out simple enough: Engage in some practice duels, find some coconuts, develop a secret crush on a female, then the whole world splodes all bad 'n' stuff.

Tara, official friend of the Mailbox, loves it. We both thought it would be a good game for TLP to play, so Tara loaned me her copy. The very first part is pretty cool, actually. But once the game gets to a point of substance, it gets massively complicated. You start collecting things that you won't use for hours. You fly around in a spaceship and can customize it.

Like a jerk, I played past where TLP saved. I'm a bad boyfriend.

Kingdom Hearts is a wankfest of details and combinations, such that fun in gameplay falls faster than wishing upon a star. Seriously: Summoning Simba to put a smackdown on Oogie Boogie is drug-induced. What game designer popped a woody by envisioning Donald Duck and Goofy fight Jafar? So I'm not even going to try KH2. I respect Tara's opinion, but zhen dao mei, the girl got her face stuck in World of Warcraft so bad she can't even play Half-Life 2. Where's her priorities?

Meanwhile, I'm playing Ratchet and Clank: Up Your Arsenal and having a blast. Juvenile humor combined with cool weapons and ways to blow lots of stuff up. How can you go wrong?

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